Love & Peace

Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game.

Around 2007 there was quite a bit of hubub about a book called ‘The Game’. Written by investigative reporter Neil Strauss it acts as a documentation of Strauss’ encounters in the dating/pick-up community. A book containing men’s deep and dark secrets… Even I was a little curious so I bought a copy, however, I didn’t finish it. 

I’ll admit it was an interesting read, in my old blog I even vowed to try a few of the tips and guidelines amongst a group of my single friends but I couldn’t quite get past how Strauss and his buddies made women seem so… Dumb. They truly believed that a woman could be in the palm of your hands with just a few tricks and carefully placed words. For example, there were many occasions where his ‘role model’, Mystery, (I won’t even bother to speculate at the utter lameness of that name) would pick his victim, saunter towards her group of companions, dazzle them with his loud, overly extravagant outfits and jewellery and begin his little dance. First, he acknowledges her, but only for a moment, then he turns his attention to her friends, wowing them with magic tricks, and oh so witty banter. Over time, the object of his interest starts to wonder why he is not paying more attention to her and sure enough she starts to bend over backwards just to prove to him that she is in fact interesting. 

After the first few instances I guess you could say I got bored, no girl wants to read story after story of how women continually drop their underwear for men who have no dress sense what so ever and use magic tricks to woo them. Seriously, this ‘Mystery’ character was described as wearing garishly colored, overly patterned silk shirts with leather trousers about two rings on each finger, his hair was long and he USED MAGIC TRICKS??!?! I cannot get over the magic…

Whilst the book in itself was very to the point about the ways in which women can be easily lead the fact that these women WERE lead was a much harder pill to swallow. However, once I had stepped away from reading the book for a while I took a deep breath and thought about it objectively.

Cavemen. Hit the woman over the head with his club, dragged her back to his cave and the procreation began, After many years this was no longer socially acceptable although I don’t think 35% of the male population got that memo. Then, men would lay their coats over puddles for ladies before asking their fathers for their hand in marriage. Eventually we ended up here. (I know I’ve skipped a few generations) Nowadays there is less directness (cavemen), less charm (gentlemen) and more uncertainty. 

Now, before all you guys go thinking I’m trying to have a massive rant about the lack of gentlemen out there (which there is) in actual fact, this applies to both men and women. Women are equally as guilty of playing the game as men, sometimes they’re worse. Every girl knows playing hard to get is the best way to get what you want. And every guy knows that being hot and cold keeps a girl on her toes. What I don’t get is how bent out of shape people get when they things don’t go their way! Girls, if he flirts with someone else in front of you he’s not trying to make you jealous, he’s probably moved on already/ is in the process of lining up his next encounter. Guys, if she flirts with your friend she is trying to make you jealous. Don’t act like it doesn’t phase you, we both know it does. When a guy doesn’t text/ call/ FB message you for ages and it starts to drive you crazy sit tight, he’s waiting for you to break first, if you do he has the upper hand. To play the game you have to know the rules. “There are no rules” is a load of rubbish, the only rule is be prepared to lose. Like any game, football, tennis, cards even Jenga you are at risk of being hurt (cards: paper cuts - the worst thing known to man and Jenga: when one of those blocks fall on your knuckle it hurts like hell!) even when you play by the rules you will walk away with a cut/bruise/sore ego. Sometimes its worth it, sometimes its really not, but you won’t know unless you participate. 

On a more positive note, The Game actually did help the author himself, he went from being a shy, badly dressed reporter to a real ladies man who not only looked great but felt great (if you don’t believe me Google him). The moral to his story was probably “confidence is key”… I wouldn’t actually know because I didn’t finish it but I like my little summary of it. 

I would never say don’t play the game, half the fun of a relationship lies in the first few months of chasing. But don’t start something you can’t finish. Just please please PLEASE don’t fall for some lame ass dude in a silk shirt who tries to pull a coin out of your ear.

Love & Peace

18 Month Itch

The title is not referring to a venereal disease, its about the honeymoon period… Until recently it seemed like a mythical creature, just something that people use as an excuse for bad behavior and promiscuity. But it exists! The only thing is no one tells you when it happens  or how. 

Based on the relationships that I have seen unfold around me (and the title of this blog) I want to say it’s around the 18 month mark. For those of you that have been with your partner for more than 2 years I want you to stop for a minute and think about what your relationship was like at the 18 month mark, unless you’re one of those sickeningly sweet couples that are so totally in love, always have been and always will be you’ll remember the Blah-ness (for lack of a better word) that surrounded you as a couple. If you are the aforementioned cutesy couple, go away, you people make me sick.

I’m not saying that on the exact date, 18 months in you wake up and feel different, it just sneaks up on you. One minute you’re counting down the days till you see each other again and the next you’re watching the time thinking that you can’t wait to get away to do your own thing. More often than not you find yourselves fluctuating between being really happy, really annoyed and extremely complacent. The worst of these 3 would be complacency. Bouncing between joy and annoyance would indicate that you care for one another and have the energy to fight and make-up, however, when you can’t be bothered everything feels stunted. 

Seeing several couples meander into the end of the honeymoon period makes you realize just how differently people react. The girls would often sit in coffee shops or on their friends bed and alternate between sobbing helplessly about the lack of attention their boyfriend was paying them and screaming in utter rage at the utter stupidity of some of the things that he would say. At the risk of sounding biased, guys can say some pretty dumb s*@t. 

We have to be objective though, whilst all of this was happening the guys were sat playing their little console games and being totally oblivious (or so it would seem) until the girls decided to have a mental and emotional breakdown which lead to them trying to end it. Whilst the honeymoon period does exist, there is not a universal reason why it ends, in one relationship the girl was having a difficult time and taking it out on her boyfriend (it doesn’t help that he was a bit of pain in the ass at times… OK a massive pain in the ass) and in another situation the girl felt more like she had a friend and less of a boyfriend. Once they started to communicate things slowly started to get better.

There was one casualty, but it was probably for the best, no one wants to be in a relationship when you’re in opposite ends of the country and neither one of you can actually be bothered to try. But the other couples have decided to try to mend whatever bridges were crumbling. I bet you’re wondering how they intend to fix things, I know I was.

For the couple that seemed to drift into the friend zone a massive factor for their dip into negativity was distance. This has been resolved as they now live a mere 30 minutes away from each other as opposed to an hour and a half. Also, the girl in this situation is by far the sassiest woman I know and she loves her man something fierce, the good thing is the feeling is more than mutual. After finally spending some quality time together they seem more than back on track, which is good because I’m fairly certain she was about to go a tad ghetto on his ass. 

The other couple have decided to take a step back and start over. What better way to get over the honeymoon period being over than creating a whole new one? In an attempt to remind themselves of why they are together they’ve put a one month ban on certain bedroom activities (I’m going to bet that doesn’t last) and they’re going to ‘see each other’. That’s always been my favorite part of a relationship (I say that like I’ve been in hundreds, not just one), the initial getting to know someone, the excitement of getting ready to see them, the flutter in your tummy when they call for the first. It’s like you automatically become a giddy school girl… Maybe someone should look into bottling this and selling it as an anti-ageing cream (I’ve just realized why cougars exist…)

It seems to me that the honeymoon period ends when people stop trying, girls stop shaving their legs, boys chill out way too much (let’s face it, it’s all about the chase for guys) so I’ve come up with a few ways to make things a little more interesting:

• Learn something new: He plays football, you like to bake but what do you do together? (Other than the obvious…I was talking about watching Game of Thrones! Get your minds out of the gutter!) Having a common interest will give you something to bond over, maybe even give you something to be competitive about. Learn a new language, take dance classes, play a sport that you both enjoy, even just going to the gym together, any activity that you both like will give you something to look forward to sharing. 
• Date night: Some guys (one guy in particular) will cringe at this, but don’t knock till you’ve tried it. Set aside one night in the week that is for you as a couple to spend quality time together  It could be the night you share your common interest, for example, if you’re going to a class together you could agree that you go out for dinner after or you cook a special meal together. My favorite couple EVER spent their date night in the arcade a few weeks ago, it doesn’t have to a mature date, just enjoy yourselves. (Responsibly!!!)
• Communicate: One of the key problems for the 2 couples mentioned earlier was a lack of communication, and I hate to sound like a man hater (I don’t really hate it) but men tend to keep whatever issues they are having to themselves without even realizing that this is detrimental to the relationship. I don’t expect you to sit in a circle, hold hands and blabber for hours but if something is bothering you, or you’re worried about something OPEN YOUR MOUTHS!!!! The less you say the more we analyse! I hate to admit it, but we women will take your lack of input and analyse the living s*@t out of it. You’re cute and all but your silence is not hot (unless you’re Ryan Gosling and we’re in The Notebook).
• Space: Balance is everything. As much as you want to spend time with your other half too much of anything is bad for you. See your friends, have some time by yourself, give each other the chance to miss one another. Absence makes the heart grow fonder (which I’ve always thought was totally contradicted by ‘out of sight out of mind’ but that’s a whole different topic and not applicable).
• Spontaneity: Contradictory to the date night idea or not, it’s always cute when your boyfriend turns up in the middle of the night unexpectedly or when you get flowers for no reason. Personally I’d want a puppy or a hamster (I hope people are taking notes). Ladies, treat your man to a date night, we love being wined and dined but imagine switching roles for the day and you treat your man for a change. Rub his back whilst he watches football (this won’t become a common occurrence just so we’re clear). 
• Plan ahead: You’ve made it through some rocky patches, the best thing to do is look forward together. Think of where you want to be in the next year and if you see the other person by your side then try to look at how to get there. 

Just because you’ve made it past 18 months doesn’t mean its smooth sailing from now on, the most tumultuous waves are just ahead of you. If your other half is someone worth going through all of that with then it will be worth it. Buckle up.

Love & Peace x

Love In A Day

One public holiday is over, we’ve had a month to recover from it and now its time to prepare for another, granted Valentines Day is a lot smaller than Christmas and New Years but its a nationally recognized day non-the-less. I’ve never payed much attention to VD but that’s probably because I was single for it. 

Any who, from what I understand Valentines Day is the one time of year that you can express your love for someone. So when you are in a relationship you can send flowers to your girlfriends work place or make an amazing candle lit dinner for your boyfriend, but only on VD. And if you like someone and have liked them for a while you can send a card asking them to be yours and expressing your feelings, but only on VD.

Just to be clear, I’m not trying to be the grinch that stole Valentines Day, I just don’t understand it! Why should you have to spend loads of money on expensive dinners, cards and gifts that are covered in love hearts and loved up messages (written by someone other than you) for one day? Call me a cynic but it seems pointless. 

As far as I am concerned the reason for celebrating VD has become somewhat distorted. Originally, in ancient Rome, it was a pagan celebration in which men would strip naked and whip women on the ass with goat or dog skin to increase their fertility. Kinky.This three day event was known as Lupercalia. Many many years later there are stories of martyrs named Valentine, one was a priest that healed a blind girl and later fell in love with her. He lived in a time when it was illegal for soldiers to marry so he would carry out a secret ceremony for young lovers, it is said that he died on February  the 14th, but this has not been confirmed. And so it began, from then on popes, members of parliament, royalty, everyone started to follow and endorse Valentines Day. 

Now? Now around 1 billion cards are sent worldwide, in  2009 VD generated around $14.7 billion. Romantic.What happened to spontaneity?? What happened to being in love every day? What happened to romance that didn’t involve buying loads of mass produced cards and cuddly toys? 

I challenge you all. Try to break away from the mould! Go ahead and celebrate VD but maybe do it a little differently, rather than give in to the commercialization of it all put your stamp on it, make it more personal to you. Make your card, or if you’re gonna buy one actually write your own message. Don’t go out to dinner, have a picnic on a blanket in your living room, dot candles around the room cook a meal together. Make a scrap book that tells your relationship story. Spend the evening reminiscing about how you met, how you fell in love.

Or better yet, don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Do random little things every few weeks for your partner, here’s a few little things that have happened over the years/ tips you could try ;O).

• When you’re in the bathroom and its all steamy after you’ve had a shower write a love message on the mirror so the next time its steamy the love note will reappear.
• A friend of mine was once given a kinder egg and when she opened it it was filled with a little hand written note and what can only be described as fairy dust. CUTE! 
• (An older couple) The husband used to write poetry when he was younger so on their anniversary the wife took his old book and quoted his poetry on his Facebook wall.
• An old colleague of mine bought two foam ball guns for herself and her husband, she left one out on a table with a post-it note telling him that he was to take the gun and watch his back (I’m paraphrasing). And then they spent the evening running around the house hiding from and shooting each other. 
• The same colleague was on the beach with her husband when they were offered the chance to get involved in a treasure hunt, when they found the treasure box there was a picture of the couple in the lid and her husband (then boyfriend) is propped up on one knee. The whole thing was set up by him to propose. Cute cute CUTE!!! (They definitely win couple of the year).
• After her boyfriend had been on holiday for 2 weeks, a certain someone stayed up until 3 in the morning to call him whilst on his way back home to welcome him back and say goodnight. After he told her he was two minutes away from his house and he would see her the next afternoon he said goodbye. Only to walk into his room and find her waiting for him in his bed. Some say cute, others say creepy, but I think he was pretty happy. 

Telling someone you care about them shouldn’t be saved for one day  of the year, showing someone how much they mean to you can be as simple as saying ‘I love you’ or making the extra effort to make them feel special. If they mean as much you say they do then you’ll enjoy doing the little things that you know will make them happy, or you could be lazy and buy a card…

Lots of love shaped pieces x

Out With The Old

Continuing with the New Year theme, now that you’ve established what you want to do why not think about what you don’t want to do or more to the point what you don’t want OTHERS to do.

Once again I have compiled a few ideas of some of my readers. See if you can recognise yourself in any of these annoying little habits.

• Lack of creativity. Due to the weather and the constant flip flopping between snow storms and flooding the current theme/uniform is ‘safe, sturdy and warm’. So for the most part you’ll see everyone walking around in wellies and parka coats with lots of woolly accessories. There’s nothing wrong with that, but once we are truly settled in Spring and the key fashion pieces have been identified you will see more and more carbon copies of the same skinny jeans worn with the same shoes and the same top. Where is your individuality people??!! People like Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Jessie J etc have made it OK for you to wear what you want how you want  (although I would  never encourage you to wear a dress made of meat). Fashion is made to be followed but not step by step, but as a guideline, inject a little style and uniqueness to your look. 

• Trolling. The newest trend to hit the social media sites is probably the nastiest so far. A picture is posted only for thousands of people to comment and thousands more to like it, this wouldn’t be such an issue if the comments weren’t so vicious and underhanded. What may start as a mutual dislike for a post soon turns into a gang like mentally of people threatening one person that has spoken out against the harshness of others. OK, so sometimes it is better to not get involved in it all but what gives anyone the right to put someone down for voicing their opinion when that’s exactly what everyone else is doing anyway?? I used to think that after school people grow up and bullying becomes less of an issue, however it seems to me that it is so much easier to hide behind a computer screen putting people down. I hope for every nasty word you type you grow a hairy wart on your face, then maybe you’ll start looking just like the troll that you are! (That was aimed at no one in particular).

• Leggings. When it became OK for girls over the age of 9 to wear leggings they were everywhere. It was an easy way to complete an outfit without having to think too hard or wear jeans all the time. At first it was great, and uber comfortable, it still is! But I tend to keep leggings for curling up on the sofa or when I’m pretending to be healthy and ‘exercising’, let’s face it, it is way too cold for leggings now. I’m not going to say that they should be abolished in 2013 but I do think that some girls have forgotten the correct way to wear them. For example, cover your tooshie! If you want people to see the curve of your bum and hips wear jeggings, the material is thicker so the whole world doesn’t have to see the demonstration of how a thong is worn. OR wear a longer top that actually covers your bum. It is not attractive and people don’t want to see your wobbly bits. 

• Over sharing. There is always that one person on Facebook that updates you on their every thought/action throughout the day. Yes, I can see it’s snowing outside. No, I don’t want to know what you have been eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner. As annoying as this can be you can’t do much about it, other than skim past it on your news feed. Although… You could have a clean out like me. I sat at my laptop and removed anyone that I didn’t actually know and people that just generally annoyed me. It seems a little cold but sometimes you need to be.

Hopefully everyone will be just a little nicer to one another this year, try to be  more creative and just a tad cautious with how much they share emotionally and physically. I know what I don’t want to do. Do you??

Love & Peace x

New Year, New YOU!

January. A month of bitter cold and snow, Xmas sales and of course New Years resolutions. We are firmly in the middle of the month so you’ve all had plenty of time to not only think of a resolution but to also to put them into practice.

At the end of the year everyone is so busy in the whirlwind of Christmas, buying gifts, putting up decorations, going to parties right up until that quiet period between Boxing day and New Years Eve. Once you have severely paid for the antics of the last night of the year with a hang over from hell you can finally start putting your resolution into practice.

I’ve asked a few of my favorite people to share their resolutions with me (and you), as you would expect there are the obvious repeat offenders: lose weight, eat healthier, save money. But there were a few random and somewhat kinky ones thrown in there too. More often than not there is a back story or a reason for each  one.

• Floss - His reasoning was: “today I ate a banana and my gums bled”. Let’s face it, people don’t really take care of their gums and in the wise words of Julia Roberts, in Pretty Woman, “you shouldn’t neglect your gums”.

• Pass exams - Young and old (I say old but she’s only 24) will be undertaking exams for all kinds of things from GCSE’s to LPC’s even pole dancing (they exist!).

• “Learn how to roll” - Ok, so when I read this message I imagined the sender rolling down a very steep hill, in my defence she’s a little quirky so I could totally see her rolling down hills. Just for the fun of it. But what she meant was rolling spliffs (Kid’s, don’t do drugs!!!

• Challenge myself - This is a vague statement (you know who are!). But if you stop and think hard there are so many different ways you can challenge yourself. 

• Dress up for my boyfriend - There’s nothing wrong with spicing up your love life, just don’t eat food off each other, it can get very messy. Or so I’ve been told. I’m all for doing the little things to keep the flame alive, just no pictures please. 

• Talk to people - We all talk to people but what about that girl in your lectures with the killer fashion sense but doesn’t say much? Or the guy that always has a joke for you when you pass his desk at work? There are so many people around you that lead interesting lives but you don’t know that because you don’t talk to them. If you feel like you’ve got enough people in your life maybe consider paying more attention to them.

• Complete last years resolution - Let’s face it. You still have haven’t done what you planned on doing. Have you? If you managed to stick to whatever task or goal you set yourself, congrats! You have done what 40-50% of the population are not able to do. It’s never too late to finish what you started.

• “Not to choke myself when I w@*k” -OK, I know this is not a real resolution (it could be, there are some freaky people out there! This guy is definitely one of them). So, when I got this message I sent another message to his friend, the conversation went a little like this: “Jiiiiiim! Hi! What’s your New Years resolution??? You can’t say ”Not to choke myself when I w@*k”, Bob has shotgunned that one x”. “Hi! My resolution is to choke myself when I w@*k x”. I love him. 

• “To grow my hair (he’s bald… Obv) …But i’m not going to tell where” - A) i could never imagine him with hair and B) hahahaha!!! See! I told you some of them were kinky!

• Get a torso like Rihanna - Don’t we all want to look like a celeb? There are so many ways to tone up or lose weight, some people diet (I’m not a big fan of this method) others hit the gym hard. There are people that have pictures of the bodies/celebs that they want to look like to motivate them. Hard work and perseverance. Oh and blood sweat and tears. I took ONE body pumping class last year and I couldn’t walk. I had to crawl up the stairs, I cried out when I moved any part of my body and I couldn’t lift my arms higher than a few centimeters. Say what you want, but you don’t know!

• Be happy again - “I’m gonna do that by doing the little things that make me happy even if that means a caramel latte or sticking magazine cuttings into a scrap book for no reason at all”. Maybe if you know someone has had a difficult time you should try doing little things to help make them feel better.

• Ebay! - For those of you that want to save on the pennies do what my saver savvy friend plans to do. If she sees something that she really wants she turns to ebay first. Et voila! You’ve got Wowcher, Groupon, LivingSocial, VoucherCodes etc all great ways to go out but for so much less. Wait for what you want to go into sale, look for deals, make lunch (the amount of times I spent £10 in Pret). 

Don’t set goals you can’t achieve, pace yourself and have prizes to help keep you motivated. Now you know what you want to do lets see how long you can stick to it. 

Keep an eye out for the resolutions I WISH people would make.

Love and Peace x

Monsters In Our Midst

There are several different mediums for receiving news, I’m not referring to general information from your family or friends. I mean news channels, the papers, internet sites, radio stations even Twitter and Facebook. Even though we are surrounded by it I find not everyone pays attention to it. I’m not saying they HAVE to, I sometimes avoid watching the news, not out of ignorance but rather because some days I don’t want to hear more depressing information about some of the awful things that are happening in the world, some may say that is ignorant of me but if you had a choice between listening to the news or watching Made In Chelsea and then texting your best friend about what a douchebag Spencer is being you’d choose MIC (I’m kidding!! Made In Chelsea comes after the news and I can record it anyway).

In my house, my mother is our daily newsreader. She’ll read her paper or watch it on BBC1 and then tell me what she’s learnt. Now I don’t mind hearing it this way because she almost always adds her own little touch to it and I like listening to her twangy Jamaican accent. But sometimes I really don’t want to hear it, not because its my mum talking, because of the actual information she is sharing with me.

A few weeks ago she shared something very disturbing with me, after discussing it with one other person I forgot about it. Until yesterday. Sat in the car driving home the new reporter on the radio began talking about the Rochdale Grooming Trial in which 9 men who had been running a child sexual exploitation ring had all been charged and sentenced. Instantly my ears pricked up and I increased the volume, the report only lasted for a few more seconds and it was over.

• The youngest perpertrator is 22.
• The eldest, who is believed to be the leader, is 59.
• The victims were as young as 13.
• Charged with: rape and conspiracy to engage in sexual acts with a child, aiding and abetting rape and trafficking with the purposes of sexual exploitation.
• 5 victims were plied with alcohol and passed around.
• The sentences range from 4 to 19 years.

Several articles about this story state that the girls were treated “as though they were worthless and with a lack of respect” and go into greater detail about where the attacks were carried out. Yet another message that has been made very clear is that there is a great deal of anger and disgust surrounding the trial, which is not surprising. There are even claims that the attacks on the young girls were “triggered by race”. Whether that is true or not it should not negate from the fact that these men are monsters. And more to the point, it would be disappointing and maybe even more traumatising for the victims if racial hate crimes were to follow this case.

I know that what I have to say about it all will make no difference what so ever, but I want it to. I want you to go to the links posted below and I want you to read up about this case. When my mum told me about the news a few weeks ago I didn’t want to hear it because it made me feel sick, but she wasn’t referring to this case she was referring to one that is chillingly similar but it is based in Oxford and unlike the Rochdale Grooming Trial it hasn’t come to a close yet.

These monsters are preying on young naive girls and abusing them. Some of them have families, wives, children! One of the men in the Rochdale case impregnated a victim… I have a 13 year old sister, I would be devastated if anything like this ever happened to her, but at least I know to keep and eye on her and make her aware of the filthy animals that are out there waiting for someone to use and abuse.

Read the news every now and then, be aware of what’s going on around you and tell the people in your lives who aren’t.

Love & Peace x

BBC News - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-17993003

Oxford Mail -  http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/archive/2012/04/13/Oxford+news+%28om_oxfordnews%29/9646681.Fears_for_50_girls_in_sex_ring_inquiry/

Trust Issues

I never like talking on the bus. You always feel like someone could be listening in to your conversation and then you might say someone’s name and whoever is listening to you might know that someone that you’re talking about then it becomes a game of Chinese whispers! But today, on my way home from work, I decided to make an exception to the rule and answered the phone to a very good friend. She has such a cute and infectious little chuckle and her sweet ditzyness often makes me look like a genius, but don’t be fooled, she’s a lot smarter than you think. 

Half way through our conversation I asked her if she had read any of my blogs (she’s usually an avid reader, but since my transfer to Tumblr she hasn’t been able to locate my page so I sent her a link a few days ago) and she told me that she had disturbing dreams because of what I had written! That instantly confused me and made me giggle, but she then went on to describe how after reading “Love, Peace and Porn” she had vivid nightmares that she was Kim Kardashian and that she was having lots of filthy, and I assume, unprotected  sex with random men, which lead to her waking up in a sweat and absolutely certain that she was a prostitute. Call me evil but the whole time she was telling me this I was in tears on the bus, trying very hard to not have a laughing fit, but I found it hilarious! I think I should point out that in my group of friends this particularly lovely lady would be “the Charlotte”. She’s prim and proper and blushes at inappropriate conversation…OK so she’s not as bad as Charlotte but she definitely reminds me of her. 

For a while now she’s been working very hard at a company I wont name a)because I don’t know it and b) confidentiality, but she’s made herself comfortable and now she’s proving just how smart she is, granted EVERYONE teases her about her lack of general knowledge and her serious case of naivety, but when it comes to office stuff she’s their man. Lately, it seems as though she has caught the attention of a certain young man who rather enjoys her conversation and pretty face. Yet, I don’t trust him. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little chit chat between colleagues, but when you start telling someone you’ve had two conversations with all your deep dark secrets (and boy does he have some BIG ones) and then you suddenly want the other person to give confidential business related information there is definitely a big fat smelly rat somewhere and it’s probably YOU (not you per say, but the person fishing for info). Oh, I forgot to mention that she knows all the big business related, highly privileged secrets that only her bosses know. Immediately after he started pestering her she changed the subject and made herself scarce but she now knows to be a little wary of his intentions, towards her and his position within the company.

This whole scenario reminded me of a colleague whom I once referred to as a good friend. She was loved by a lot of people that we worked with and for the time that she had with us no one could say a bad word about her. Except for the fact that she was cheating with a friend of mine who had a girlfriend, and yes, I know it takes 2, and trust me, he knew exactly how I felt about it, but she didn’t have to befriend his girlfriend. I mean, he didn’t try to be chummy with her fiance. Oh and she stole thousands of pounds from our company and then made up a huge elaborate unrealistic lie to cover herself. Or there was the girl who, again, everyone loved, but I instantly didn’t trust (or like) something about her. Turns out I was right. She started working her way through the guys, getting involved with people she knew her close friends had been with, messing with those guys heads (even though I warned them) and the whole time she had a boyfriend. Granted, at one point they broke up, but she was with him during the majority of her conquests. 

I have met some amazing people at work, but the few that have been sneaky, manipulative and selfish have taught me that you must always be cautious of who you get close to and how much information you share about yourself or anything to do with your job. Getting to know someone is easy and almost always great fun, but trusting them is a whole different scenario. 

Love & Peace x

Control The Crazy!!

You know what it’s like when you first start seeing someone and they’re amazing.They laugh at your jokes (even if they are really bad and you start laughing before you’ve even given the punchline), they get on with your family, they are willing to try new things (NO! Not in the bedroom! But come to think of it… That counts too).He/she seems to be the ying to your yang, that is of course, until the honeymoon period is over. No one knows when it’s expiry date is or if you never get it back. But there seems to be an internal switch that goes off inside a person that makes them a little… Well… Crazy.

So I’m sat drinking a mocha in Starbucks with a friend and he tells me that as soon as the crazy switch flips all the things that are ok in the beginning of the relationship are suddenly all wrong. For example, the amount of time her boyfriend spends with his friends. At first she was fine with it, encouraged it even but suddenly out of no where she is concerned that he’s never around to see her anymore because he’s spending ALL his time with his friends. Never mind the fact that he has a life of his own and even if he did see you over his friends she would just make him watch episodes of  Made In Chelsea (which isn’t actually a bad thing).

Then there’s the girlfriends. She has known that he has girlfriends in his group for years, way before she turned up on the scene but now she doesn’t like the fact that they are in most if not all of his pictures. Or how they are always there when  she wants to talk to him on the phone. And no matter what he does to make her feel better, she is certain that all of the girls in his group of friends want him. So certain in fact that she demands that he stop seeing them. 

As my friend tells me these tidbits, I wonder if this is really true… Do girls actually become that paranoid and jealous a few weeks/months into a relationship? I mean… Really? Here’s what you do if you’re worried that he’s with his friends too much, you talk to him, hopefully he’ll have enough sense to ask you to come and hang out with them. Being in a relationship means hanging out with your respective others friends, meeting their parents and making an effort to become a part of their lives. Anyone who decides that they can’t do that or won’t is either a really selfish douchey douchebag or has a very good reason for not including you. Or they’re emotionally stunted, OK, that’s a little mean, maybe they just aren’t ready for that kind of commitment, but if that is the case, do you really want to be with someone who isn’t proud enough to show you off to everyone they care about?

    The girlfriends part? Well, that’s a little more complicated. I’ve seen it happen, the only difference was the girl in question had only just come into my friends boyfriends life a little after they became an item. He started talking about how much he wanted to learn Portuguese and how badly he wanted to go there as soon as possible. At first she dismissed it,then she noticed he kept mentioning a girls name that she had never heard before. She got a little suspicious when she saw pictures of them hanging out and getting high together, alone. But she didn’t voice her concern. Then he stopped responding to her messages and suddenly seemed to forget when they had made plans. Now, she never really went on Facebook, maybe once in a while, however since they got together she very rarely  went on his page, but after several failed dates she decided to leave him a message on his wall, only she was faced with a barrage of messages (in Portuguese) between him and the new ‘friend’. Yet rather than confront the situation she left it and continued trying to keep the relationship going. And he did the same, just with the other girl, until she had to go back to Portugal. Moral of the story? SPEAK UP! If she had voiced her concern earlier they could have called it a day and saved her from finding out that he wasn’t who he claimed to be. 

           That’s just one bad story about a ‘new friend’, when it comes to life long friends the same can be said about ‘speaking up’. If your boyfriend understands how you feel then he will attempt to make you feel better about his friendships. But you have to meet him halfway, reach out to the girls in his life and try to find some sort of common ground, you care about him? That’s a good place to start. And if, no matter how much YOU try, you feel like they aren’t responding or one girl in particular isn’t then she probably wants him… OR!!!! You just don’t mesh well. But if its the worst case and she wants what you’ve got that doesn’t mean that HE wants her. Trust and communication are key (Oh em geee that’s cheesy! But very true)

Boys don’t go thinking you get off easy! You guys can be as jealous and paranoid as girls, if not more so! But the same advice applies. 

Love & Peace x

Once Upon A Time There Was A Unicorn…

Today, due to the lack of large white horses with horns protruding out of their heads, it is safe to say that Unicorns do not exist. Well believe it or not, they do and they are among us.They just don’t look like this …

                       

By definition, according to Wikipedia, a “Unicorn is a legendary animal from European folklore that resembles a white horse with a large, pointed, spiraling horn projecting from its forehead…” If you try looking up ‘Unicorn’ the words associated with it are: legend, mythical, fairy tale, folklore, fabled etc. So basically, they are an enchanted, rare and mythological creature that no one has ever seen or encountered, until today.

In the 21st century a Unicorn is actually a girl or that’s what a guy friend told me. Don’t go in search of a young woman with a horn stuck to her head, chances are she’s in fancy dress and she doesn’t possess mythical healing powers. She, or should I say ‘they’ (yes, there is more than one) are every boys dream. To better understand what my friend meant I have compiled a list based on the qualities different guys look for.

• Plays console games- “like a pro”
• Knows all of the Lord Of The Rings films by heart.
• Is into comics
• “Decent music taste is pretty crucial, would like to be able to go to some raves with her”
• Likes action (or more specifically zombie) films
• Is an active person
• Friendly personality - “she’d have to get on with my friends”
• Kindness -“it’s taken for granted”
• Has a quirky dress sense
• Loves animals
• “Be willing to give me head massages
• Is amazing in bed (was not surprised to see that one)
• Likes sports